This morning Arthur said what i’ve pretended i’m not really dreading:
“Can’t I just be ALOOOONE?!”
I answered, “No, you can’t.”
How do you tell your good boy who asks for one thing (OK, maybe three at most) for Christmas, who tells people, “I’m sorry your Dad died”, who takes his job at Mommy’s shop really seriously that no, he can NOT be alone?
Damn, it’s only been 2 weeks or so and he wondered what to do with his anger, energy, annoyance, and need to be alone. Don’t get me wrong; Arthur is one of the most touchy-feely-clingly 6 yr old I’ve ever met. BUT there are moments, clearly, that he wants to not be seen, heard, or touched. Few moments. I questioned myself and my decision to put him living in one room with his baby sister and me around the clock…but just for a moment. I know this is right. Every time I come home and see the surmountable clutter or the safeness of our bunkbeds I know this is right. I love those children and although they drive me nuts with the constant chatter and perpetual face-raking (Arthur and Beatrice respectively) I know I want to be near them and them me.
So we continue. Tomorrow is a new day. I guess some more clear boundaries need to be ironed out. Maybe a “safe” word for Arthur. Maybe he in the front area where the bed is while i take Bea in the yard or for one of her cherished showers…
I’m working on it.